Get a job, stay slim and don't sext – Vanessa Feltz's relationship contract

This week I read about American couples who enter into a relationship contract.

Instead of mundane questions like 'do you want kids?', these contracts – available online – cover everything from weight gain to sex.

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I've been married and in a long-term relationship, and when I look back on a contract that spells out what each of us is willing to tolerate or clarifies our desires or long-term goals, that would have been a very sensible thing to do.

Doing this from the beginning forces couples to address potential issues early before they become thoroughly embedded in the relationship.

It may sound callous and bureaucratic, but determining who should take out the trash, whether you can share towels, or how long you're willing to go without having sex can help avoid conflict further down the line.

I'm currently single, but if I were to get into a new relationship, these would be my 15 most non-negotiable clauses.

KEEP TRIMTING TOGETHER

HAVING a clause about weight should be a completely mutual agreement.

Yes, I've gained weight in the past, but I've always done my best to shed the pounds and be as fit and healthy as possible – and my partner should do the same.

I would expect my partner to kindly tell me if I had gained too much weight, and promise to exercise and eat healthy together.

This rule should be applied to both parties in the relationship.

Ultimately, we both want to continue to like each other.

HAPPY WOMAN HAPPY LIFE

I've always enjoyed feeling comfortable in a relationship – who doesn't?

I don't want to say that my partner should “surprise” me, because that defeats the point.

But regular romantic gestures mean something to me, whether it's my partner saying, “I'll cook for us tonight, you put your feet up,” or “I'll take us on a weekend away soon.”

Whatever it takes to make me happy in a relationship, do it, and I will return the gesture.

MARK A MID-LIFE CRISIS

It is imperative that partners warn each other if we see a midlife crisis coming, and we must guarantee or promise to discuss it calmly.

You can't just come home with a mullet on a new Harley-Davidson.

Makeup sex is a must

WHEN we go to bed angry, make-up sex is a must.

If we've had a bad argument and feel like we just can't get over it, we need to reconcile in the way that best suits each other's imagination.

Sex is a very good thing, unless you have a cold.

We also don't have to schedule it or plan different positions for a specific week, but there is something to be said for not letting it come to a complete boil.

The longer you don't have it, the less you want it.

We need to have an idea of ​​how long we don't want to be without it and I wouldn't let it go to two weeks.

SAY 'I like you'

IT is important to make sure that you both still desire each other; that's why we're together after all.

If that box is checked, it means we want to rip off each other's clothes, which in turn will keep us sexually active.

But we need to make sure we remind each other that we find the other person attractive and cherish that sexual attraction.

It needs to be nourished and nourished with regular sex.

We need to gently remind each other that we are still sexy, sexual, flirty, adventurous, romantic, tender, and whatever else we need to be in order to continue deceiving each other.

NO FLIRTING

OPENLY flirting with others is off limits.

It's not enticing or attractive and it doesn't keep me on my toes.

Whether I'm there or not, making a cheeky joke with another woman – which would obviously make me feel uncomfortable – is not okay.

If it makes me feel vulnerable, terrible, or insecure, that's a no-go.

You should make me feel like I'm the most important woman in the room, not anyone else.

If you decide to have a lengthy conversation with the waitress, asking where they are from and how long they have worked there,

I just sat there thinking, “God, bring me some soup.”

It's terribly rude, and why on earth would you need to know that information?

However, being polite to my mother, sisters and best friends is extremely important.

MONEY TALKING

FINANCES must be transparent.

I always need to know whether my partner has taken out a loan or received a bonus.

It means that we both achieve our goals for the future together.

If I try to be responsible by not acting like a self-sabotaging idiot with my money or overdrafts, but the other person doesn't, then we are not in a healthy financial situation as a couple.

Financial transparency is necessary so that all decisions are made based on sound facts and trust, and not on ignorance.

The responsibility for negotiating or getting a good deal on the mortgage should be shared.

And I wouldn't want to be treated like a child financially, with the man in charge of the money.

A SECRET CODE IS A MUST

Having a secret hand signal or facial movement is essential.

When one of us identifies this behavior, the other must acknowledge and understand “it's time to leave and go home now.”

Examples of this could be: 'I'm bored and tired' or 'I never want to see this person again as long as I live'.

It's important that we have things we can say to each other that we can't say to anyone else.

BE A GOOD SPORTSMAN

WE both need to be honest about our love for sports at the beginning of the relationship.

Every weekend of mine shouldn't be taken up with a football match, and that doesn't mean the guy is at an away game every other weekend too.

Yes, that's fine every now and then, but don't be a pedantic child about it.

You can be a big fan of something, but that doesn't mean you have to go to every game.

It's not the end of the world if you miss a football match.

WEEKLY DATE NIGHTS

ONE night out together a week is desirable, but we don't have to call it 'date night' as that puts enormous strain on the relationship.

It also doesn't mean we have to go buy an outfit or get our hair done.

But going out together and doing something we both enjoy is great.

For example, go out for dinner, watch a movie, go bowling or even meet up with friends.

We need to remember why we are together and why we love each other.

It's a good chance to talk about something that isn't about the kids, family life, or work.

CLIMB THE CAREER LADDER

Nowadays, I think anyone who lays out their career ambitions and assumes their life will follow naturally must be insane.

There is no such thing as a job for life anymore; you may be doing all kinds of things.

But one of my clauses would be that my partner – and myself – must continue to contribute to our shared life in every way possible.

PACK ON THE PDA

I would DEFINITELY not be with someone who says, “I won't hold your hand as we cross the street,” or “I won't kiss you in public.”

I'm not telling you to strip naked and get down with me in public.

But walking with your arms around my waist, holding my hand, or giving me a kiss because you feel like it makes me feel good about myself.

So why not?

Politeness IS THE KEY

GOOD manners are important, even at home when no one can even see or hear us.

So when one of us walks into a room in the house, the other should smile, look up and be happy to see him.

When I walk into the room, I don't want my partner to continue reading the newspaper or looking at his phone without acknowledging my existence.

Pause the TV and say “Hi” politely.

Be attentive.

Give me a kiss when I get home, and don't forget to wish me a nice day.

I will do the same for you too.

NO SEXTING, EVER

SEXTING or sending nudes to other people is not okay, and that also means dealing with it appropriately if someone randomly sends one to you.

If someone sends you a text that you think you shouldn't show to me, then you know it's not right.

Yes, it's flattering, and yes, it's “only” virtual because you're not fondling their tits in person, but it's still not okay.

Ignore and block, or reply with, “I'm not ready for this.”

There is a difference between jest and deceit; don't confuse these two.

As soon as you cheat, even if it's just a virtual affair, trust is gone.

LIMIT PHUBBLING

LEARN phone etiquette.

Instead of planning a date night, it's much more important to limit the phone fetish.

When we watch TV together, I would expect my significant other to put the phone away.

How are we supposed to laugh together at comedies if you're not paying attention?

If you use a separate device you are doing something different and I don't know what it is.

That is not true.

It's like being the outsider in a group while others laugh.