I threw away 'mom clothes' when I was 50 – now I dress sexy to shop young guys on Tinder
Once upon a time, 50 was over the hill. Not anymore, says relationship coach Claire Dore.
Single mother of three from Marlborough, Wilts, tells Anna Roberts why she – like many women in their 50s – is finally embracing her sexy side. . .
“'Sheep dressed as a lamb' was an expression I heard often growing up.
It targeted women like Cher, Dolly Parton and Donatella Versace – all glamorous older women who weren't afraid to take risks when it came to fashion.
Who did they think they were anyway, with thigh-high slits, underwear as outerwear or, shock horror, low-cut dresses that showed off their cleavage?
These women were the exception, not the rule, when it came to ladies in their fifties.
They were the daring misfits, who were not afraid of being judged by men or women for presenting their sexiest selves to the world.
But fast forward to today, where more and more middle-aged women are finding a newfound adolescence in their wardrobes: the 1950s are definitely the new 20s.
Just look at Jennifer Lopez, 54, Heidi Klum, 50, and even Lauren Sanchez, 54, the partner of Amazon boss Jeff Bezos who stepped out in a very daring sheer ensemble at Milan Fashion Week last month and inspired my look today.
British ladies are also there, with Amanda Holden, 52, Davina McCall, 56, and Liz Hurley, 58, all flying the flag for the fantastic over-50 crowd.
Good for them. Why shouldn't women consider a sexy style overhaul after their flirty fifties?
Personally, as a 50-year-old, I feel better, sexier and smarter than ever before.
I've gone from practical to vulgar.
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As a mother of three, I have moved beyond the all-encompassing early childhood years where my identity was shaped by my children.
For years all I heard was: 'Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy'.
My life was a monotonous and exhausting blur of diapers, car rides, after-school clubs and “What do you want for dinner?”.
I was crushed mentally, spiritually and sexually – I was not a woman, but a mother and a wife.
Always in a busy haze of breakfast, school, dinner, bath and bed, I lived in baggy sweaters and jeans or leggings.
In winter I wore big coats and scarves and in summer I wore cotton shirts and practical shorts.
My clothes were sensible, cheap, and gay; They had to, because they always got their hands dirty.
But I woke up sexy when I turned 48.
I threw away all my old clothes and am now focusing on buying statement pieces.
I consider them an investment.
I always go out in sky-high heels and the days when I only wore slippers or sneakers are long gone.
My favorite store is the chic Willow & Wolf and I wouldn't dream of splashing out in a totally impractical slinky dress adorned with feather embellishments – something my 30-year-old self would never have done.
At the gym I wear tummy-baring tops and tight leggings.
I know I look great and have such high self-esteem, much more so than 15 years ago.
I know I'm not alone here; I have many Facebook friends in their 50s who do this too.
And it's no surprise that people are living longer than ever before.
In 1975, the average life expectancy of a woman in Britain was 75 years. Now it is 82 years.
So we have more life to live – and I'm ready to live my best life.
At the gym I wear tummy-baring tops and tight leggings. I know I look great and have such high self-esteem, much more so than 15 years ago
Claire Doré
During my “mother haze,” late twenties to late thirties, clothes were the last thing on my mind.
Exhausted from the daily hamster wheel of life, I woke up, showered (if I had time), and put on what I had thrown on the floor.
My underwear consisted of practical M&S panties and the intimacy was a bit lost.
Every now and then I would think back nostalgically to my late teens and early twenties in the early nineties.
When I left my parents' house in Somerset, I went to university in Southampton and loved it.
A size 10, I would dress in skimpy crop tops and mini skirts.
For the first time I felt young, free and powerful.
In June 2002, I married a kind and intelligent man, before having my three children and taking six years off work.
It wasn't until my youngest grew up that I realized the path I was on didn't feel right.
Although I loved my children and respected their father, I had lost myself: the young me who wore skimpy clothes, danced for hours and laughed like a hyena.
It dawned on me pretty quickly and as I approached fifty, I knew I had to make huge, life-changing changes.
Instead of being scared, I felt empowered.
Friends supported me and saw how happy I was.
It was very difficult to tell my husband that I wanted a divorce.
After 19 years of marriage, he was understandably bewildered.
But I explained that it wasn't about him.
I had experienced something that could only be described as an “awakening” and I had to stay true to myself.
I never wanted my children to have divorced parents, but I knew there was no choice, and they handled it admirably.
The twenty-year-old is at university and we share custody of the youngest two, now 18 and 16, 50/50.
And knowing that I'm wearing sexy underwear under my clothes gives me a little post-50 va-va-voom
Claire Doré
By the time I reached my sixth decade, my life was completely different.
I also became a sex and relationship coach.
It was time for me to take the plunge into the world of dating too.
Tinder and Hinge didn't exist when I first dated, but this time they were all the rage and I fully embraced them.
I posted sexy photos in strapless dresses that I wouldn't have dared to wear before and had a bio that said, “I know exactly what I want.”
Over the past two years, I've met my fair share of men – some who have bombarded me with love, some who haven't gotten over their ex yet, and some who have simply ghosted me.
It's a disarming experience when you realize at fifty that some men still live in the same mindset they did when they were eighteen – just as immature as when you were eighteen.
But I've also had some great compliments, with one (much younger) man writing last night: “Oh my God, you're fucking crazy. I thought you were a fake profile.”
If only he knew I had an abundance of vibrators. . . I bought my first one at 47.
Maybe he liked my lingerie too.
I only wear Honey Birdette now because I like to look like a million bucks all the time.
And knowing that I'm wearing sexy underwear under my clothes gives me a little post-50 va-va-voom.
I have much more self-confidence than I did in my late twenties to mid-forties.
Now I like to look good, so I dabble in designer brands, although I'm always conscious of every piece I buy.
I threw away my “mom fashion”.
But even in my sweatpants, hanging out at home, I feel great.
It's all about the mentality.
I'm not ruling out a long-term relationship or marriage, but for now I'm focusing on regaining what I've lost: I
Claire Doré
As my 51st birthday approaches, I have thrown off the shackles of family life and am fully embracing my sexuality for the first time.
I'm excited about the future, excited about being a woman, and excited about my children.
My daughters don't have to become mothers; they can be anything.
“Mom,” my son said the other day. “You look like you're aging backwards.”
And I think he's right.
I haven't had any cosmetic work done and probably won't.
It comes from happiness and trust.
I'm not ruling out a long-term relationship or marriage, but for now I'm focusing on regaining what I've lost: me.
And I have to say, this me is pretty fantastic.
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