There’s a Limit to Jeans: How to Dress Like an Adult with SHANE WATSON

What kind of shorts woman are you?

Are you: a seasoned shorts lover who wears them every summer, has a favorite faded linen pair that is now 20 years old and is always happy to hear about a new short style (my friend Nicky)?

Do you hate shorts because you believe they are the work of the devil and the one fashion item that excludes all women who don’t have long legs and who have a date of birth after 1975? (My friend Jo).

Or do you like shorts, but by shorts you mean jeans, the ones that are most in your summer memories, along with string bikinis, the smell of Hawaiian Tropic, chlorine and patchouli?

So you’ve given up shorts. You’ve been reluctant to admit that time was up for cropped shorts and nothing is quite as striking as a faded ragged cut. (That will be me).

American model Kate Upton looks hot in a beige and white Alberta Ferretti short suit paired with nude heels

Kate Middleton opted for mid-rise, tailored white shorts with gold buttons, which she expertly paired with a relaxed navy blue and white striped jumper

The question is worth asking because it’s the quickest way to determine if it’s worth trying a pair of shorts this summer.

We assume the Jo’s will stick to skirts and dresses as they have for the past 30 years.

The denim cut-offs tribe will do what we always do, review the holiday box that contains them, wonder if they would work under a long, open shirt dress, and then put them away again until next year, just in case by then something has changed.

This isn’t an age-related decision, to be clear: you can definitely wear cut-offs in high summer as long as you feel comfortable.

Nancy Shevell, Mrs. Paul McCartney, will definitely be wearing hers this summer, and she’s 63.

However, you do need legs that you like to show all the way up, which most women in their mid-50s don’t have.

Denim cut-offs don’t have to be Brazilian cut briefs, but longer than mid-thigh and you’re in Bermuda territory, making you look like a SeaWorld valet.

Still, there’s a part of every retired denim wearer who’s still curious about shorts, and we’re not immune to shorts envy during a heat wave, so we stay on top of shorts trends.

Jennifer Aniston epitomizes cool and casual in her relaxed drawstring cargo shorts and white tank top

Eva Longoria’s bright pink shorts paired with Perspex heels is an excellent alternative to a dress on a summer evening

Nicky, who’s 59 but crucially has the legs of a colt, looked fabulous last week in loose-fitting, above-the-knee white linen shorts – for something similar, try Cos (£55, cos.com). Unfortunately these are not for me.

Not only do I feel like I’m dressed for a day of sightseeing in extreme temperatures and then back to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a hem length a few inches above the knee draws attention to my croissant knee area, tantamount to self-sabotage.

So the options are twofold: both loose-fitting (never tight at the leg), light and airy in cotton, and probably with an elasticated waist for that relaxed feel that also happens to be the current look. (Don’t be put off by elastic waists. They’re no more intimidating than drawstrings and more flattering than front pleats).

First up is a longer, knee-covering, slightly A-line style from Zara (£22.99, zara.com). This one is khaki and like many shorts this season comes with a matching shirt ($22.99) which is the smart way to wear them.

Otherwise, for those who still have the legs for shorter shorts, there’s a new look in town that’s again an elasticated waist and boxer shorts.

These are the pants that are currently used as easy shorts that you can wear anywhere, provided they are made of quality cotton.

I can confirm that Nicky is embracing the look, maybe not at work but on weekends and holidays, and she’s already bought a longer linen pair similar to her floppy white attire, in lime green (£12.99, 2.hm .com) .

She also threatens to buy Boden’s pretty shorts in a pink and gray stripe (£33.60, boden.co.uk).

For anyone tempted even if it’s just poolside, Cos has a set of drawstring seersucker that doubles as your best pair of pajamas (£45, and £59 for the shirt, cos.com).

I watch from the sidelines. But if you want to give cut-offs one last shot, try Boden’s beach shorts (£48, boden.co.uk).

Wear them in the garden when no one is looking.

I would.