A mother asked me to make all the food at my daughter’s birthday party gluten-free and dairy-free because of her son’s allergies. People say I should deprive her child of the invitation

A mother planning her daughter’s birthday party has revealed she is annoyed by another parent’s request to make the food gluten-free and dairy-free.

On British parenting forum Mumsnet, the woman explained that the mother of one of her daughter’s friends had made a special request prior to the birthday party because her son has allergies.

The mother who hosted the party explained that she is more than happy to accommodate dietary requirements, but added that the other mother asked her to make all the food at the event gluten-free and dairy-free in case her son eats it.

Notably, she makes her daughter’s birthday cake from scratch and says she has “no desire” to learn to bake it using a gluten- and dairy-free recipe.

After asking others for their opinions, the mother received a lot of support – with some even saying she should go so far as to not invite the child with allergies.

The message read: ‘[My daughter’s] I have a birthday party coming up and I asked the attendees about allergies/dietary requirements. Had the usual list back – some vegetarian, one no pork, one nut allergy, one gluten free + dairy allergy.

‘I said no problem, we will make sure there are options for everyone, but it is the parents’ responsibility to make sure children are eating the right food (children are between two and five years old).

‘It will be “normal” children’s party food – sandwiches, chips, veggie sticks, fruit, yoghurt etc.

‘I separately received a response from the parent with a gluten-free/dairy allergy saying: ‘Sorry to be difficult, but we don’t want to serve gluten or dairy at all – it’s too dangerous for X as we can’t guarantee he won’t will do eat it. Of course you understand, thank you xx.”

She continued, “Am I being unreasonable when I say this just isn’t working for us? I’m making the cake and have no idea how (or any desire to learn) to make a tasty gluten-free/dairy-free option.

‘I was planning to buy small gluten-free vegan cupcakes so there would be something for the others, but my daughter requested something specific for her birthday and I’m already preparing it.’

Many suggested it was “ridiculous” for the child’s mother to suggest everyone at the party had to eat limited food because of her son’s allergies.

One person said: ‘As a parent of a child who ends up in hospital if you’re wrong, I’d rather make my own food, and I did the same for all the primary school age children. So you’re not being unreasonable. Tell them you don’t want the responsibility.”

Another agreed, saying: ‘Ridiculous that the mother puts a restriction on everyone.

“Tell her that that is not possible, but that she is willing to stay and provide her child with her own food.”

Someone else said: ‘Haven’t they been to a birthday party before? They cannot expect parents to provide such catering at every party their child attends. They have to bring their own food and supervise their child.”

While another wrote: ‘Just say you’ll do what you can to eliminate x contamination but it’s not possible for you to make the whole party gf/df because your child wants her favorite food at their party. ‘

Others suggested that she should “invite” the child with the allergies if it would be too much of a hassle for her.

One person said: ‘Text her that you need to withdraw the child’s invitation because you can’t guarantee that. She is very welcome to come stay and supervise her child.’

Another said: ‘Say, “It’s a shame if you don’t make it, but we understand if it’s too much of a risk.”