With a third of over-70s saying they still feel sexual desire, we ask writers in their 70s and 80s to reveal the truth about their libidos in later life

Sex after 70. It happens – and much more often than you might have thought.

New research has found that one in seven of 80 to 84-year-olds still have an active sex life, while 36 percent of over-70s say their libido has not disappeared at all.

Here, three women – all in their eighth or ninth decade – offer a candid look at what really goes on behind their bedroom doors…

I still feel longing and longing for a good man in my life

ELAINE KINGETT, 74

The mother of three children is single and lives in Brighton and organizes life writing holidays Spain (write-it-down.co.uk/spain).

According to a recent British survey, more than a third of men and women aged 70+ say their desire and libido have not diminished with age. How reassuring: at age 74, I started thinking I was the only one. Mine never left the building.

For 32 years, from the age of seventeen, I had a loving, fun and fulfilling relationship with my husband until he died at the age of 53.

We always fancied each other, shared hopes, dreams, adventures, and of course arguments, but we never reached the dreaded state of disillusionment and disappointment that I’ve seen in other long-term relationships.

I was fortunate that the painful reality – due to declining hormones after menopause, which understandably causes so many women to refrain from intercourse – never happened to me.

I took HRT from age 50 to 60, and my creative imagination and vibrator satisfied my single status. My gynecologist insisted that whenever I didn’t have a partner, “You have to use it or lose it, ma’am!”

The term ‘libido’, derived from the Latin for desire and lust, was first used by neurologist Sigmund Freud in 1894.

Longing is a much better description of what I still feel. Longing for physical closeness, intimate contact, an urge for the warmth of a man, from skin to skin. I miss a good man in my life. I miss their different energy. I miss the smell of a man.

Lust is too strong a word. Making love is what it’s all about; Having sex sounds like a cold, calculated act between two emotionally uninvolved individuals, without even a cup of tea afterwards.

Of course, a person’s libido can be negatively affected by so many factors – not just aging, but also biological, psychological and social factors.

Add to this the side effects – only now becoming widely understood – of SSRI antidepressants, such as escitalopram and sertraline, which can cause a drop in libido and the inability to feel sexual sensations at all. It’s a wonder any of us ever feel sexy, even with Viagra helping us!

Despite having had breast cancer, a heart attack, three big babies, osteoarthritis, hearing aids, glasses and a face that owes far too much to sunbathing on the beach in my younger years – covered in baby oil while smoking a fag – I’m still looking forward to my chances of meeting someone.

I am so grateful to be alive and know from experience that life can be shockingly short.

For me, an intimate relationship with a man I love, trust and respect is an integral part of life; something fun, rewarding and comforting.

I have great friends and family, and work that I love, but sex, intimacy and, yes, companionship are the icing on the cake.

My recent relationship, which ended a few weeks ago, only confirmed everything I always believed in, but began to doubt, after an eight-year gap.

Sex at age 74 can be just as delightful and life-affirming as it is at age 50 or 60, and I don’t want to leave this earth without ever experiencing that euphoria again.

Falling in love is the same when you’re 17 or 70

PRUE LEITH, 84

The television presenter and cookery writer is a mother of two and lives with her second husband in the Cotswolds.

Why do you think we find kissing octogenarians so embarrassing? When little children kiss, we think it’s cute; when glamorous adults do it, we find it exciting. But geriatrics? Oh no, that’s disgusting

My generation of women (I was born during World War II) was, I think, the first to generally behave like men. To go to college, have a career and indulge in the joy of sex. And when the pill arrived in the 1960s, we could indulge in it without the specter of pregnancy clouding it.

But now, in old age, those women are expected to step back into their box, wear boring greige and, if not actually knitting in a corner, at least behave with decorum. Well, no, thank you.

This ignoring of the old happens to women more often than men. In general, society accepts male octogenarians who attract younger women.

I think women should be grateful that infertility comes to us so much sooner. Having and raising children is incredibly tiring.

But the end of our childbearing years does not mean that you can no longer enjoy love and sex. Why isn’t falling in love an acceptable, even common, option for older women?

Because I got married for the second time in the mid-seventies (and probably because I wear a lot of vulgar colors), I’m considered a miracle, if not a freak.

But ask anyone over 60 and in love what it feels like, and they’ll tell you that whether you’re 17 or 70, the symptoms are the same: pounding heart; be prepared for your phone to ring; overflowing joy when that happens; rewrite that text ten times and not send it.

There’s nothing like falling in love: the way it colors your entire life, turns a rainy day into a joy, a disgusting pub meal into a joke, a bad movie into a cherished shared experience.

It gives you a reason to live, and I think a lot of women are missing out unnecessarily.

My advice would be to forget the rules and obey your instincts. If you want that slim old boy with the nice crooked smile to notice you, make sure you stand out.

If you’re too shy to do anything in person, give him a note. What do you have to lose?

The older men I meet don’t ignite a spark

LIZ HODGKINSON, 80

The writer is divorced from the father of her two sons and lives in Oxford.

I’m sincerely happy for all those couples in their eighth and ninth decades whose libidos are still soaring.

Unfortunately mine is not. To enjoy an active sex life in your later years, you need the right partner. If you’re single, like me, libido tends to plummet quickly, if it doesn’t go away completely.

Sex? What is that? For me it’s just a vague memory.

I am a very healthy older woman of 80 who is not yet bent over, shuffling on a Zimmer frame and rattling prescription pills.

I’m lively and active, I go to the gym, take long walks and definitely have a bounce.

I embrace social media – and I’m definitely ready for new adventures.

This should come as no surprise, after all, my generation is the longest-lived and healthiest older generation in history.

So it would be nice if I could add sex to the pleasures of my life again. But where, oh where, can I find that special someone? It’s not for lack of trying.

Since my very attractive and charismatic last partner died twenty years ago, I have been on so many dates and even now I am sometimes approached on the street by men asking if I would like to go for a drink. But it’s sad to say that none of them ignited even the slightest spark, mentally or physically.

There was no acceleration in the loins or anywhere else, and after a dreary date, that was it. It was hopeless and I stopped dating for good four years ago.

The older men I met just weren’t interesting enough to interest me, and there was nothing in common with the younger men.

But it may not be too late. Recently a neighbor told me that her 82-year-old mother had fallen in love after several years of widowhood.

“She was so lonely,” my neighbor said, “and then my daughter introduced her to a guy she thought would suit Mom.”

“Well, there was an immediate mutual attraction, and they are happily happy together. Mama now has a completely new life.’

So, before I fall into disrepair and forget I ever had a libido, could there still be a Mr Right for me? Stranger things have happened.