I almost jumped in front of a train after losing Cbeebies job over topless photos

CHILDREN'S TV presenters are known for being squeaky clean, so parents across the country gasped when near-naked photos of Sarah-Jane Honeywell made headlines.

The 50-year-old former Cbeebies star, who lives in Lincoln, posed topless, lying on a giant plate of food in London's Trafalgar Square, for a now infamous Peta advert in 2011.

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The seemingly innocent charity act devastated her life, leaving her suicidal, £100,000 in debt and estranged from her former boyfriend, Mr Tumble, aka Justin Fletcher.

Breaking point

Choking back tears as she recalls her darkest moment, Sarah-Jane tells Fabulous: “I felt like I had let my husband down. I would abandon my parents. I would abandon everyone.

“I was walking to the train station in Liverpool and I didn't think I would kill myself or hurt myself, but it felt like a compulsion.

“It was like, 'I have to jump.' And then I remember my son kicking and that shocked me.

Sarah-Jane plays the leading role Shamefula new Fabulous YouTube series exploring the effects of vilification and online trolling on six famous women.

Sarah-Jane, who has two children, Indiana, six, and eight-year-old Phoenix, with her ex-Hollyoaks actor husband Ayden Callaghan, 42, says: “I just felt like my life was over.

“Cancel culture is really dangerous and I think people forget that people are behind these celebrities. People can make mistakes.”

Promising start

Sarah-Jane got her first presenting job at Cbeebies in 2001 at the age of 29, earning around £300 per episode.

“I started at Tikkabilla and then did a spin-off show from Higgledy House, where I teamed up with Justin, aka Mr Tumble,” she says.

“During the audition I jumped on his back and we just really got along.”

Sarah-Jane thrived at the broadcaster, but admits she was shocked by the strict rules presenters had to follow.

She once angered producers after getting a giant tattoo of fairy wings on her back.

“My producer was shocked. I thought it was very progressive and that people shouldn't be judged for having tattoos,” she says.

“But it was really frowned upon. I was shocked. We had to be spotless.”

Sarah-Jane says she hid serious health problems from her colleagues for fear of getting the boot.

I was probably one of the few people at Cbeebies who didn't even drink

Sarah Jane Honeywell

“I was on Prozac for much of my life after developing an eating disorder at age 12,” she explains.

“When I went for my medical at the BBC they asked if I had ever taken illegal drugs or antidepressants and I knew it would be best to lie about it.

“From the age of 24 to the age of 26 I was busy with cocaine and pills, but from 2000 I was completely sober.

“I was probably one of the few people at Cbeebies who didn't even drink.”

Life changing decision

Then in October 2011, animal rights organization Peta approached Sarah-Jane – who was vegan at the time – and asked if she would like to star in one of their campaigns.

“They said I could wear a bra and pants, so I bought a pair of flesh-colored ones, and I was asked to lie on a giant plate of food,” she says.

“When I got into position, they asked me to take off my bra because it would get a lot more coverage.

“I thought, 'Okay, I'm helping a good cause,' but I didn't really see what was wrong with that. They are just breasts and they were covered by my hands.”

Sarah-Jane admits she was “quite shocked” when the photo hit the newsstands.

“There was just a shift,” she says. “I remember my legs almost went out from under me. I called Justin and left a message asking him to call me.

“I had the feeling something bad was going to happen. I never heard from him or any of my former colleagues again.

“Then I discovered in the papers that they had gone to the BBC for commentary, where I know they had been working there longer. That was a shock.”

A barrage of abuse

Sarah-Jane recalls that not only was she fired, but she also received a barrage of online hate around this time, which affected her mental health.

“There was a Facebook group started called 'I Hate Sarah-Jane Honeywell.' That was a lot,” she says.

“Other comments included 'attention seeker', 'desperate', 'spendthrift', 'clingy', 'I think she's absolutely nasty', 'loves herself, this one', 'if she had brains she'd be dangerous '…it was annoying because I felt like they were being unfair.

“I didn't mind people thinking I was naive, but what really annoyed me was the suggestion that if you take your breasts out you're automatically some kind of sex pest.

“As a woman you were not allowed to own your own body.”

Sarah-Jane says many of the responses came from Cbeebies mums. She says: “When the mothers responded on Facebook, I always thought: I'm actually a babysitter.

'Why do you care so much? Why are you so mean about me?

I couldn't get any work at all and I was just surrounded by debt

Sarah Jane Honeywell

Sarah-Jane says her work “completely dried up” and she struggled to pay off debts, some of which she had accrued during her years of drug use.

“I couldn't get work at all and I was just surrounded by debt,” she says.

“It all took effort. I felt like I was drowning in it. I lost my job and I felt like I had lost my identity.

'I had lost everything, including myself. I didn't really know if I could see a future.”

Struggling through it

Sarah-Jane says her husband Ayden has been her source of support during this difficult time, but in March 2015 she hit rock bottom.

“I've just reached a really terrible stage in my life,” she says. “I had had a miscarriage. I had a debt of €100,000. I didn't have a job. Then I got pregnant at the age of 41.

“In Hollyoaks, Ayden's character and his partner experienced a stillbirth. They filmed it around the same time I was going to have my baby.

“I absolutely fell to pieces. I was such a psychopath about it and he asked to be written out of the soap.”

Sarah-Jane was so worried that dark thoughts once occupied her mind as she stood on the platform.

“My son kicked and that shocked me,” she says. “I had a very stressful pregnancy, but everything changed after giving birth.

“I named him Phoenix because he rose from the ashes of a very difficult time.”

Sarah-Jane is now back on her feet with a permanent job at BBC Radio Lincoln, where she presents the Sunday afternoon show and runs her own drama school, Curious Theatre.

She says she “threw everything” to give her boys the “best life,” adding, “I always wanted people to like me and approve of me, and my boys just let me go,” basically the only thing that matters in life. is now with your children.”

To proceed

And almost thirteen years after her career collapsed, she says she is only proud of her infamous animal rights shoot.

“Well, I quite like the photo. I think I look good,” she says.

“My kids and their friends at school saw it and they don't care. I'm proud of how it looks.

“Would I still have done that if I could see into the future and knew what was going to happen? Yes, because I am so happy now and it has changed everything for me.”

About the trolls, she says, “I would tell the trolls to think about what you're saying. And why do you say it?

“That person is human and he has a lot of other difficult things going on in his life, so just take a step back and realize that we are all the same.”

The BBC declined to comment when contacted by Fabulous.

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